Skiing with Logan

Some of my best winter holiday memories are made around New Year’s when my friend Logan and I go up to our condo in Radium.  This leads to the best times because Logan is an individual who has a lot of screws loose, in a good way of course. One memory in which we share is the time that Logan and I went skiing. We haven’t gone skiing much yet he had multiple blunders in those minimal times. One time we were skiing and we were on one of the easy hills because Logan could not be trusted on anything more difficult than that. Logan was behind me the whole time and as I exited the run, I looked behind me and Logan wasn’t there. I waited for about ten minutes until he finally waded out with a bright red face. I don’t know how, but he managed to run into a tree. Let me make it clear that this run was a clear path with trees on the outside which embodied the path. To this day I still don’t know how he managed to hit a tree. As for another skiing mishap Logan has had, he ran into something else. This time instead of running into a tree, he ran into a person. It was his first -and last- time on a run that had a moderate difficulty. It begins on our way up the lift; we are about halfway up when one of his skis falls off into the snow below. I could tell already that this wasn’t going to be fun. By the time we got to his fallen ski, all that was left of the run was a steep hill. This hill I was dreading from the very beginning because even though I tried to teach Logan how to go down hills, I don’t think he remembered that all too well. Well it spiralled into chaos right away as he went straight down the hill without slowing down. It was almost impressed with how straight he went down that hill, what wasn’t impressive though is that he ran straight into someone. Dislodging his skis on impact and plummeting head first into the snow. I probably shouldn’t have laughed but it’s not every day that Logan does something stupid, on skis that is.

Forks

Ah, forks. A magical eating utensil, which is one prong up on the oh so famed trident. Forks hold a dear spot in my heart. Mainly because of their unique method of picking up food. Some may think that forks are just like any other eating utensil, but they aren’t. They are more than just that, they are the alphas of eating utensils. There are none like them and there will never be anything quite like them. Sporks, unlike forks, are just an incestuous mix of spoons and forks and while they inhibit the good qualities of forks, they exert plenty dreadful qualities of spoons. I’m not even going to sugar coat it, spoons are just awful. When’s the last time that someone had a spoon at a formal event? Can you not remember? Exactly, they were never there to begin with because they suck. You’re probably thinking to yourself that you’ve seen them there for soups. Well I’m sorry to say that if you saw them there, you were actually at a funeral. Forks have many places named after them whereas spoons do not. This is because of how well liked forks are, there isn’t a soul in the world who has a bad thing to say about forks. If you do have a bad thing to say about forks however, then obviously you have no soul. Since forks have the best method and design for picking up an assortment of foods, there is no doubt that every household has at least one of these divine creations. With their wide variety of usages, practically everyone has been in dire need of a fork. You too, have probably required the assistance of a fork at least once in your lifetime. I say with absolute certainty that forks is the prime eating utensil of saints and kings and gods. God bless forks.