Forks

Ah, forks. A magical eating utensil, which is one prong up on the oh so famed trident. Forks hold a dear spot in my heart. Mainly because of their unique method of picking up food. Some may think that forks are just like any other eating utensil, but they aren’t. They are more than just that, they are the alphas of eating utensils. There are none like them and there will never be anything quite like them. Sporks, unlike forks, are just an incestuous mix of spoons and forks and while they inhibit the good qualities of forks, they exert plenty dreadful qualities of spoons. I’m not even going to sugar coat it, spoons are just awful. When’s the last time that someone had a spoon at a formal event? Can you not remember? Exactly, they were never there to begin with because they suck. You’re probably thinking to yourself that you’ve seen them there for soups. Well I’m sorry to say that if you saw them there, you were actually at a funeral. Forks have many places named after them whereas spoons do not. This is because of how well liked forks are, there isn’t a soul in the world who has a bad thing to say about forks. If you do have a bad thing to say about forks however, then obviously you have no soul. Since forks have the best method and design for picking up an assortment of foods, there is no doubt that every household has at least one of these divine creations. With their wide variety of usages, practically everyone has been in dire need of a fork. You too, have probably required the assistance of a fork at least once in your lifetime. I say with absolute certainty that forks is the prime eating utensil of saints and kings and gods. God bless forks.